I'm not sure how I want to start this off because honestly today I experienced so many emotions all at once and it wasn't okay. I felt sick. I felt lost and confused. I felt overwhelmed. I felt tossed around and honestly, I have to write it out in order to feel better about it. I understand that we all die at some point. I understand that life must come to an end. Today or well, Friday July first was an awful day for me. I want to tell you this because I cried so much that I have made myself so sick. I am honestly trying to make sense of it all. Do not let anyone force you into ending the life of a pet. They are not just your pet, but part of the family. I love all seven, yes, you saw that right I have 5 dogs and 2 cats. I have my two oldest sooner he's turning 14 in late December early January. Then boomer, this dog is literally a beast. He can eat just about anything and he is still kicking. We have chimichanga she is 10. Howie is also 10. Ellie Mae is 9 Isabella is 3 and George is 1 and half soon to be two in November. I have a big heart for animals. I shouldn't be forced to make that decision to put sooner down in a few hours. It should be a longer process than that and believe me I'm still trying to wrap my head around it. We went in for an ear infection yet again and found out he had "cancer" to me it looked like an abscess in his mouth. He looked miserable. I took serval picture of him and I didn't want today to be his last. I didn't want it to end like this and so, I fought to keep him. When we got him in the truck I cried again seeing my sweet baby in pain. He looked so hurt. I could see the pain in his eyes. He looked at me and tried to climb in my lap. I stopped him and sat in the backseat with him. He crawled over to me and laid his sweet head on my lap and cried. I mean it wasn't a "I'm fussy" cry. It was a full on sad I'm in need of my momma cry. I wiped his snot and his drool and I wiped my face as well as I tried to hold him on my lap. I held him as he laid himself on me holding me. Now, if you've never experienced the pain of your animal as they lay crying snot and tears coming down their face then you haven't seen anything like it. He is my baby. He held me and I loved on him like I never loved on him before and let me tell you in that moment I knew I made that decision. He came home with me. He wasn't finished yet and I can't believe she was so quick to write him off. Yes, he was in pain. Yes, he was sick, but now he is going to get better. He is the sweetest dog you'll ever meet well, I say that,but he probably wont let you get close to him without me. I saw another side of this dog. It literally broke my heart in half seeing him in this much pain. I cried so much and I felt so much that I am finally tired. I am not ever going to put him through that hell no matter if the dr thinks it's what is best. I don't ever want to feel pressured into making a rash decision like that ever. He is not just a dog. He is not just an animal. He is my baby. He has a name. He has an incredibly loving kind and protective personality. He is my sooner. He may be getting older as the day goes and he may lose all of his teeth. He may lose all of winter weight. He may be slow and steady, but he's my son and I will know when he is ready. I know that day will come and when it does it won't feel like regret. It will feel like peace that surpasses all understanding. I just had to get this all out and I know it will help me sleep. I am just thankful that Robert was there and I am so thankful he kept me from doing this horrible deed to my sweet baby. I hope you have a great night/day. I am tired and I am ready for bed. Sooner is at my mother's resting. He was given his pain killer and he will sleep peacefully. I am grateful. I am glad he is where he belongs. Thank you for reading and night.