I wonder what I can do today? I have no clue what to do today. I suppose I should get myself ready for the release of book two out May 5th or prepare myself for interviews. I am honestly still trying to sort out my feelings from last week. I've not ever felt so low before if I have it's been years since I felt like that and I'm working through it and I'm very upset still at this point. I had to distance myself from it because man, i was about to explode.
I was off that day and the next few weeks. I felt like I wanted to crawl into a hole and die. That's exactly how I felt. I don't like feeling that way. I hate that I let a person get that close. I will not do it again. I will promise you that much.
I am excited about where God is taking me in this next phase of my life. I like getting to know people on a personal level. I like connecting. I like pushing people to reach their fullest potential.
I am still in shock I suppose over it. I will work through it by writing. I always figure things out by the time I'm done writing my feeling out.
I love God. I am sorry you don't believe me. I love everything about where I am. I highly doubt people can get all the information they need from me in a 30 minute conversation.
I'm more than a few minutes of conversation. I want more than just a few minutes of people's time. I am not hiding anything. I'm pretty open about my issues and struggles.
I'm tired of it. I am wanting to collect my thoughts so, this blog is my thoughts. It's all over the place. I don't confess I know everything. I don't want to know everything. I don't want to do God's job.
Either people believe me or not don't ask me " Who's He"? Clearly you've not ever had the same experience I had in high school. I'm not sorry about it. It was in that moment I knew what I saw and heard as a kid was real.
Don't you dare make me question my experience. I'm sorry that God decided to do it right there in the cafeteria. I'm sorry that I see Angels, demons satan God and Jesus and the Holy Spirit.
I'm not making anyone question their experience with God Himself. I know WAY BETTER than that. I'm not stupid.
If you can't understand it. That's honestly not my problem. It's on you. I'm tired of people doing that to me.
God will give YOU an experience YOU will never forget. All YOU gotta do is ask Him. He's not gonna turn YOU down.
As far as my prophetic words to people, I learned my lesson. When you question my gifts and my abilities, I will back off. I write it on Facebook yes, but if it's for a specific individual than I personally message the person. I DO NOT put it on Facebook for the world to see, but if I do NOT know who it is for, but it's more general than yeah, I will post it.
I didn't know that many questioned it. I guess I will back off. I ask God to find someone else the people will actually believe because no one seems to pay attention when I say it.
It's okay, I would be questioning it too, but I understand. I'm still struggling with what God wants to say, but I'm not kidding about God finding someone else.
I'll write them down. I'll hold onto them, but as far as sharing them, I'm just not too keen on the idea right now.
I let fear, guilt and anger wash over me. And for that I am sorry. I am mere human. I will fail. God, will not fail. His word stands the test of time.
Hope you have a great day.