I wanted to title this one daughter for a reason. I wanted to start off by saying yes, i was raised in church. Yes, I was shy. Yes, I thought I wasn't worth much because of the things that were wrong with me. No, I didn't feel like I belonged in the church.
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This mountain I've been climbing is hard. I thought I knew what I was doing when I set out on this journey but it turns out I have NO CLUE what I'm doing! I thought I was prepared. I thought I knew what I was getting myself into and at this point I've come to realize I'm not sure what I'm doing. You see, this didn't start out as a giant mountain at first no it was a small hill and I thought " ah, no biggie" oh but man was I SO WRONG! This little hill grew and grew and grew! Image my surprise when I woke up at the foothill! "When did this happen?!" I scratch my head out of confusion. I'm standing here looking up thinking " Oh dear God, what in the heck am I doing here"? I make my way around NOPE! I'm still wandering the base. I'm nowhere near the top. I step back and fold my arms thinking a bunch of cuss words at this point. I thought I had help. I thought I had an extra hand in all of this mess. I thought I wasn't going to be alone. As these thoughts swirl my head I already want to lay flat. I get myself prepared for this long journey ahead of me. I eat but not a lot. I drink my water. I close my eyes as I make my way up the mountain. I try my best to keep looking up. Because I've got a serious case of heights! I find ways to entertain myself. I think I'm doing good. I'm feeling good. I look back and I'm only a few feet off the ground. I grunt in my surprise I'm still a jump from the ground. I wipe my brow and keep moving. I'm doing. Then out of nowhere there is a storm. There's thunder. There's lightening. I'm freaking out. It's pouring down by this point. I keep going but the thunder is so loud it shakes me. I slip and find my way sliding down all the way down to the foot of the mountain. It's raining so hard. I have no umbrella. I have no covering. I have no protection. I'm out here alone. Imagine my frustration right about now. Man, if I didn't trust God there's no way I would keep going. So, I start making my way up the mountain again. It's muddy. It's getting harder for me to keep going without sliding. I hear a voice telling me" keep going it won't last long". I shake my head " nope, no way I'll get hurt." He says" No you won't keep going. I'll protect you." I laugh at this point because well, let's face it. It's raining. And I'm soaking wet. I'm moody. I'm cold and I'm very annoyed. And at this point I want to quit. So to much avail I got myself together and kept wiping my eyes from the rain. I started back up this mountain. It's hard. This mountain holds beauty and strength. This mountain may be the biggest challenge I've ever taken on by myself. It was when I heard His voice I learned that though I was walking this by myself He was, is and still will be there no matter how hard it gets I trust He will be there to guide me along this mountain. I want you to understand yes, there are times you will go through things alone. But God will ALWAYS BE THERE to guide you. He loves me way too much to leave me here by myself. This journey is hard but when I finally reach the top. It will all be worth it. I guess it's just one of them days for me. I feel like I don't do enough at times. I sometimes don't get it why I don't have a full time job something that is 8-5 or something. I feel like a loser. I feel like I don't do anything but sit at home most of the day. I feel like I'm just sitting watching tv not doing much of anything.
Words. You gotta be extremely careful of what you say to people. We hold the most powerful weapon in the world. Your tongue can give life or death to people. Watch your mouth because you cannot take back what you say. Once it's out it is out forever. Words can haunt a person's mind for an eternity. I'm not just talking to you. I'm talking to myself. Far too many people have said one too many hurtful words to me and I can harbor them or I can let them go. God gave us that kind of power. Use it wisely. Speak life into your situation. Speak health and wellness. Speak love instead of hate. Speak kindness instead of rudeness. Speak peace instead of restlessness. Speak up for what you want in life. You speak what YOU WANT INTO EXISTENCE. I've been learning to watch my mouth. It's way harder than you think. When people are rude to me. I want to be rude right back, but what does that accomplish? I can't minister to people by being rude, hateful or spiteful in return. I'm far,far from perfect. I have a mouth. I let my tongue wag on before I cover it. I sometimes don't care how it comes out. You hurt me. I'll hurt you right back. But that's not going to solve anything. It's going to make it worse. I take at least a week or so to cool myself off and depending on what was said it may take longer. Thankfully I have a God who put his hand over my mouth and forces it shut. He will deal with you. You can keep spewing your hurtful words. I'll let God block them from me. I'm very vindictive. I'm very spiteful. I'm very, very hateful. I can make you feel as big as a seed or even smaller. I do not like to be challenged. I will make sure you pay for picking a fight with me. I'm not one you need to mess with. Now, I'll just sit here and watch you act like a crazy person. I've learned to watch myself. And I've learned that it's better to sit there and let everyone look at the person being mean and what it tells everyone else about their character. Words. They are the enemy's weapon of choice. Choose your words wisely for they very well may be your last. Next Saturday 11-1 pm on Main Street duncan, OK. It will be a fun thing for kids. I'll be selling my e books and passing out candy. Hope you're having a beautiful day. I'll post my real blog later. Be blessed. How goes your day? Anything interesting happen to you? I've been having really strange dreams as of late. And I can't for the life of me figure out why they are happening. I want you to understand something sunday night i had a weird dream about someone i knew riding in the black train. I didn't understand it until i woke up the next morning.
Hello, how goes the day? I haven't written a blog in awhile so here it goes i'm going to do my best to write something clever for you. i haven't fully understood this whole book process. i have yet to understand why it's so stinking hard. i get that i don't talk loud. i get that i don't hear very well, so that makes it that MUCH HARDER for me.
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