I after yesterday was thinking about what kind of legacy i wanted to leave behind. I've often thought about this before but, seeing the room almost full it made me think about my own later on because lets face it we all are going to die.
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Today as we lay you to rest my heart won't forget. You didn't want to be a burden. You told us we you stressed us out. But, it was those moments we will never forget. Watching you suffer pained our hearts. But, we no longer cry for today we lay you to rest. We were put through a test. Our hearts are sadden by your passing. We wish we could keep you forever but, it's not the end. As we come to a close we may cry and be upset but, we know that you are no longer in pain. We know you are finally at peace. Let us not forget all the good ole days. When you smiled and laughed. Let us not forget the kindness in your eyes or the warmth of your embrace. For one day we will meet face to face. We love you. We miss you deeply. We will never forget you. I'm sitting in my bed thinking about what's happened this past weekend. We had a death in the family. His grandpa was in pain. I mean a lot of pain. And part of me wondered why he is still suffering. I knew God saw him. I knew God heard his cries and groans. God was there every step of the way.
Hello, how goes your day? I have a lot on my mind at this moment. At one point i want to be happy to have a niece again but, knowing that his grandpa died Sunday morning just makes me so sad. i keep telling myself that he's no longer in pain.
"you ever find your thoughts conflicting with your heart and spirit"? She sighs and taps her fingers on the table looking at Suzy. "well, what exactly are your 'conflicting' thoughts? I've known you since we were young. You've always got issues with yourself. What does your heart say this time and your head? The only opinion that matters is God's opinion on the situation. What does he say you should do"? Leah sighs and rolls her green eyes as she listens" I know, I know honestly sometimes I think it would be a lot easier if he would verbally say it you know? It's just frustrating. Ugh!" Suzy slaps Leah's arm and said" wake up you do this every single time you are called out to the field. You worry about the one person who you care about and we both know he's the light in your darkness. The love of your life. Your little boy. Ever since your husband passed away a year ago you've been more moody and cranky. You will find love again just stop trying to find it. Your son needs you more now than ever and you don't want to take him with you. Sometimes Leah, I don't understand you at all. And I've known you for what seems like forever." Suzy sat there looking at her friend wondering if she truly cared about her feelings and after all losing your Spouse is hard but being with that person for over 10 years how can anyone really move on from a loss like that? It's difficult yes, but the storm doesn't last forever. Losing someone you love is hard in itself. But, having to come to terms with them never coming back is painful. How does one cope with such a loss? God knows the answer humans try to sulk and think there is no way to get better so they become bitter. Having not personally lost someone close I can't imagine the pain you feel every moment of the day. That aching longing feeling in your soul. There is only one who can bridge that gap. And his name is Jesus. Trust me when I tell you this no one can take your pain and suffering away. That's God's job he's our creator. He's our healer. So, let him fill that void. Allow the holy spirit to comfort you in those weak moments. Let not the sorrow of this world drag you down but instead rise up and enjoy the goodness and mercy of our Lord and Savior. The Bible talks about how we should handle our emotions. Anger is something we have and it goes along with losing a loved one. But, allow the loving embrace of our father to hold you. He knows pain. He knows suffering. He sent his one and only son for us. His child think about that he had to watch him from afar. He watched him grow up become a man. And then he watched him willingly give his life in the most horrific death. His son died so we could have life. So, you my friends should find comfort in knowing that God knows best. How can we tell him that he doesn't understand when he gave us these emotions. He gave us these feelings for a reason. So, I ask you this " if you could live your life pain free would you"? We woke up to it being cold and rainy this morning. But, that doesn't mean it cant be a good day. I've been working on a blog and i keep forgetting to post it.
I'm okay with being me. I'm okay with being different than everyone else. I'm okay with not knowing everything. I'm okay with not having to put on a front. I'm okay with loving myself for me. Are you okay with who you are? Are you still wondering why did God make me this way? Stop that mess! God made you perfect. You know those flaws you hate so much well, they are what make you different. I used to hate almost everything about me. But, even still today I struggle with accepting myself as is because there's only one me and I wouldn't change it for the world. Now, if you were to ask me a few years ago then you may have gotten a much different answer. So, even still today I get my feelings hurt but it's not about how I feel and it's not about how it hurts me. Don't get me wrong yes, people make rude remarks and it hurts but, it's a great opportunity to share all what God has done for me. Because let's face it if it wasn't for him I wouldn't be here today. What are your flaws? What do you not like about you? What do you wish were different? I can tell you this don't let that old devil lie to you. You are worth it. You are good enough. You are perfect in every way. God made you. He took the time to handcraft you from the womb. He has done a marvelous work in you. He's not finished with you yet! I pray that when you look in the mirror smile at yourself. Take a look at yourself and thank God for waking you up today. For his love is great and his mercies endure forever. You are priceless. Have a beautiful day :) It's blog time y'all! How's it going? Hope you all had a great day at school, work or wherever you are right now. I hope it's going great! Today is a good day. I jogged for 3.5 minutes the first time before my machine randomly stopped. But, after I jogged for 2 and half minutes! I'm so very impressed with myself. You see, my heart can't take much of this before I pass out but with God's help I did it! He told me that he would be the strength I needed and boy did I ever cling to it. Running/jogging wasn't ever my thing until I was told I wasn't ever suppose to run because of the issues going on with my heart. Yes, it's painful. Yes, it's being put to the test. No, I will not ever be in "shape" because of my irregular heartbeat. But, that hasn't stopped me. Running/jogging is amazing for the body. I do my best to help myself out. I don't think I can ever be super skinny but, let's face it I don't plan on being skinny. I hated it. I want to be fit. I have muscles in my legs. I have back muscles. I have arm muscles. My heart is that a muscle and I work it out everyday. So, if you're reading this and don't understand my story I will tell you a very short version. I had heart problems at a very young age like 3-6 weeks old. But, after surgeries things are repaired and God is still great and greatly to be praised. He saved my life. The dr may have known what to do but my friend God had his way. He saved my life many times and I'm so glad he did. Now, if you can't think you can do I think if you got up off your butt you can do it. Don't wait for life to pass you by because by then it will be too late. Get up and make it work for you God only goes so far my friend when he sees us doing our part he will do is but it's when he get up and go after it then he will step up and do it. God doesn't give handouts. God makes us work for it. What good would it do if he just handed us everything? We wouldn't learn the valuable lesson of to study to show ourself approved. God will help you but only so far. I work hard. I slack off a lot but nothing good will come of it. It's never too late to pick up where you left off. God will bless you wherever you are! Don't give up just yet. I challenge you to do something that scares you the most this week. And see if God doesn't show up for you. Give God all the praise and all the glory for he is more than worthy of it! I hope you all have a great evening. Be blessed. I'm all about being alone. I find great joy to be out and about by myself. I'm a loner. I have full on conversations with my heart, mind and soul. And let me tell you. It's very noisy. I love sitting outside and being alone with God and nature. It's relaxing. I take myself on dinner and a movie date. I don't find it weird that I'm alone. I can't stand people anyway so, it's better for me to be alone. People are weird. They are loud. They are gross. They are nuts! They sometimes don't act right in public. Yes, I love Robert but being a leo I need my space. I don't like being cramped up. It makes me moody. It makes me mean. I get iterated very easily if you've ever spent time with me you'll know this for a fact. I can't sit still. I always have to be moving(I'm not sure why) if I'm ever staring off in the distance or making weird faces or using my fingers to count don't bother me. I don't like approaching people. I don't announce to the room I'm there you'll know when I show up. I don't dress up. I don't like makeup. I feel comfortable being me. I'm messy. I'm rude. I get snappy if you touch something of mine. I don't like being touched. I'll let you know if you're welcomed. I can be very brash and very aggressive. I talk a LOT!! I love being in front of people. I love animals. I hate butterflies, moths, bees, wasps, hornets, grasshoppers, locust, flies, birds and anything else that flies. I don't like it. I love to talk to the animals. I don't fit into the norm. I don't like popularity. I don't think things through at times. I often let fear talk me out of things. I love the color pink. And I love the color yellow. I like lilies. I like lions. They are my most favorite animal. I love tigers, panthers and mainly all big cats. I absolutely love the galaxy. I love history. I love science. I love being able to solve crimes. I love all things guns. I love that deer season is upon us. I love my bible. It was baby blue. I miss it. I love Jesus. I think that's it oh I have a thing for shoes and handbags. I love designer bags. Oh and I don't like chocolate. |
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