I get asked a lot about writing and why I chose to be an author well, I didn't "choose" anything my hopes and dreams were to be a Judge. I wanted to be on the Supreme Court and sit with these fellow lawmakers. But, you know as much as I love the law my head wasn't in it. I have a heart for law. A mind for business and compassion for people. I didn't pick to be an author. I thought it was stupid. It was a nice hobby. But, as hobbies go I loved it. It helped me get out what was on the inside. I love speaking to people. But, I don't really like people. ( I know it's weird but so true they freak me out) so, back to this writing thing I will tell you this though it came naturally and I couldn't explain where it comes from it made me feel good. So, to you I want to tell you God had bigger dreams for me. He wanted me to do something different. I stopped law classes switched to psychology. I thought woohoo I can be a profiler. I wouldn't mind it. God quickly redirected me. You see, if your dreams don't line up with God's dreams for you. He will quickly redirect you. He has big plans for us. He wants us happy, healthy and enjoying life. He doesn't want us living paycheck to paycheck. He created us for so much more than that!! My heart loves the sky. I could spend my nights watching the stars. I love knowing that our God created all of that for us to enjoy! He took the time to make sure we enjoyed everything he has made. He loves us so very much. The sunrises it brings new mercies and it gives us hope once again. Don't worry about the night the light will find its way again. If you have dreams or goals don't think it's over. It's not over until God himself tells you! Don't give up on yourself because God not once gave up on YOU. If you are reading this know this, my love for people is bigger than my love for the law. People need Jesus. They don't need religion. They don't need rules. They don't need to be threatened. God doesn't call us to judge. He calls us to love. I conclude this blog to let you rethink your goals and your dreams. Understand this God hasn't forgotten about you. Yes, it has taken longer but, those who wait on The Lord shall renew their strength. So, wait on him. He won't let you down.
I've been writing a blog since Saturday. I'm slowly starting to figure this out. And maybe one day I will but, I'm still working on me. This book process is a piece of work. And honestly, it's just a lot to deal with I'm not sure how I'm going to come up with two hundred dollars on my own. I've applied like crazy. I'm selling posters. I'm selling coins with my quotes on them. I don't have another book signing until the 27th of September. I'm not sure what I'm gonna do until then. Please pray that I'll get a part time job or a full time job to help cover my part. Thank you. Have a wonderful day. There's a LOT going on in our world today. And honestly I don't see how anyone can face their day without knowing Jesus. The fact is life sucks. People killing other people. Black on black crime white on white crime. Mexican on Mexican crime. Race after race being slaughtered by their own people. But, you see none of this wickedness surprises God. These new coward groups killing their own people and for what? Demons are their own thing yes, evil runs this world. But, God is still the Master. He is still the King of kings. He knew it was going to happen long before he created everything. You can't stop it. But, you can pray against it and pray that God protects you and your household from it. We have diseases with no cure. We have illnesses with no cure. We can't explain the unexplainable. But, we can give our praise to the one true God for his mercy endures forever. We can't stand when something bad happens to our family, friends or even neighbors but, what are we doing? You want to yell, scream, shout and shake your fists at God putting all that blame on him. I'm gonna say it you best hold up and step right on back. You have no business and no right blaming him for your mess. When sin entered this world it was all downhill from there and honestly, I don't see how many of us including myself are still alive. Yes, tornados happen. Yes, mudslides happen, yes, typhoons, hurricanes earthquakes happen and random fires take place. Yes, bad things happen to everyone. But, it's just stuff. Things are replaceable but, you my friend are not because once you are gone there is NO coming back. I need something to wake you up. Revival will happen and when it does the Holy Spirit will let loose and it will fall like rain. Let it wash over you. Soak it up and soak it in for when that moment in time comes I want to be in the water letting him wash over me. I cannot wait until I get to go back home! I am so very excited. Oh and another thing let that old devil have his fun because it's only going to last for long until Jesus shows up and takes it all back. So, the next time you feel like the world sucks and it's full of bad people. Remember this, you have a Mighty God on YOUR side fighting for YOU! So, be blessed and have a glorious day. You know I'm up again and I've been up since 1:30 and I can't help but think of all the times where I needed God and I ignored the fact that he was there until I desperately needed him. It wasn't until now that I fully understood it. I prayed for the scales to fall off. I prayed that in this season of my life that things happened to where I had no choice but to fully rely on him. We all set out to do great things and well as we all have figured out it takes money and sometimes lots of it to achieve your dreams and goals. Now, not only is it my dream but it is my God given destiny to reach people through my writings. It my favorite thing to do and I take such pride in it. If I can help someone from making the same painful mistakes then by George I can die happy. But, not only do I want to tell you these things I want to show you just how good, kind, loving and gracious God is and how he has changed not only my life but my thought process as well. Yesterday at work I met this beautiful baby girl who has had a rough time. And I couldn't fathom what she is going through. The moment I saw her my heart swelled with love and I wanted to take her and make her mine. Oh how my heart ached for this baby. My heart grew angry knowing what happened to her and something inside me wanted to grab her and hide her from this pain she was dealing with. You see that's when it hit me. This is the same way God looks at us. His heart swells with love at the site of us. He can't help but pour out his love. He sings songs over us. He loves us. He protects us. He wants to take us out of that situation of pain and bring us to a place of healing and safety. You see, not only did my heart hurt for her but it made me wonder why anyone could do that to a baby. Watching her walk towards me clinging to me and loving on me made me think " Okay, now I get it." God, our Heavenly Father gets overcome with such passion every single time he sees us walk towards him. He leaps for joy. He waits for us to walk to him. He waits for us to wrap our arms around him. He waits. I'm not a parent per say but, when I'm with these kids. I can't help but think of how much love they receive daily. I make sure they get the love and affection that they are searching for not only when they are at daycare but at home too. I pray that God shields them from harm. I pray that Jesus is the only fence around them. That the Holy Spirit guides them when they are seeking direction. But, how often do you ignore God? We only cry out when we are in need of something. It's wrong. We abuse him. Just because someone is there does not give us the right to misuse them. We so desperately need love and affection but when he's willing to give it we push him away. Why? I'm so guilty of this I do it more often than not and I am ashamed of myself. He's going to get tired of it and walk away. I used to say this " I have a fear that one day the knocks will stop. And out of that fear I learned that it was never okay to ignore the one I needed most. So, when he wants in I let him. I do not want him to stop wanting me." So, I leave you with this the next time you are going through a good time don't let the moment pass you by tell The Lord how good he is and thank him for all things that are going right in your life. Don't wait until the floods rise. I guess I should go back to sleep but I hope you all have a great day. Night and be blessed. Every time I watch a sunrise or sunset. I am reminded of God's love. When I look at a flower or at a bird in the sky. I'm reminded of God's love. The love of God is so powerful. It can change a person instantly. His love for us cannot be measured nor can it be bought. He already paid the ultimate price. I'm in awe of his grace and mercy. We don't deserve it. But, because he loves us enough he gave his one and only son to die for us. I talk a lot about God and his love for us. I want to remind you that you were and still are worth the price he paid. Life will drag you down but God will lift you up. Don't let your circumstances rule your life. Instead look to God and he will help you. He will see you through. I know this is a short blog but, it's a good one nonetheless so, with that said goodnight and be blessed. Right now my heart hurts. I had they scariest dream. And right now I honestly can't tell if it's real or not I'm rebuking it in the name of Jesus!!! My heart is very heavy. I don't see my brothers as often as I should. And I am upset. I am going through a lot. I need money for my contract. I took a job. Well, let's just leave it at that for now because there's a LOT I could say but, I'm gonna keep my mouth shut for right now but I think that's my problem. I haven't ever had a job that stressed me out like this, well, other than my book but, that's different. I'm always going to stress if I'm doing enough or selling enough. But, my life right now isn't good. I'm sad all the time. I don't usually get hurt by things so easily. I mean I worked with kids for many years but, there's lots on my mind and it's going to that dark place. This only happens when I'm severely stressed out. And right now I'm up at 2 AM. I'm actually writing right now because I don't know what else to do. This right now in my heart is black. It's full of pain, hurt, anger, sadness, sickness, rage, hatefulness, and bitterness. This isn't normal for me! I go to bed with him and have sweet sleep. Ever since I started this "Job" my heart has been filling up with these negative things. I'm not a negative person by no means I love that I get to wake up and see them precious babies. But, I can't help the feeling in my heart as I type this out to you. I can't do my job if this earthly job is weighing me down. If this job is stressing me out this bad I'm not sure what to do at this point. I'm always honest and transparent with people but, I found myself being sneaky and being vindictive. And that my friend should be a HUGE warning sign. I understand that I need to find a job to pay off my contract. I understand that money isn't going to fall in my lap. Yes, it's only 990 this time around so, it's a LOT cheaper. When I talk to people I'm distracted. I don't listen to them like I normally would. I don't talk to them like I normally would either and that bothers me. Even when I did the cleaning job I didn't stress out this much. When I worked at rose state college I didn't stress out this much. When I worked for the school I didn't get this nauseated when thinking about going into work. Now, one or two things may be happening right now I'll give my #1 theory 1) God is testing me and seeing if I can stick it out or 2) I was brought in to do a job. A job that many don't want to do and I'm not saying what it is I'll be doing but, I know now what it is, so there are my two "theories" on this whole work thing. But, then I got to thinking God wouldn't let my lay awake at night or take things from people. He wouldn't make me cry. He wouldn't give me bad thoughts. He wouldn't give me fear. He wouldn't give me anger. So, I'm thinking it's the second one and because I figured out why I'm there lets just say it's better to stay on my good side than bad. Now, with that out of the way my heart is lightening up a bit so I can get back to sleep. I go in at 8:30 so, I'm praying when I fall back to sleep it will be sweet and I will be rested for later. So, if you are reading this please know this God is not the God of hurt, anger, anxiety, fear, pain, depression or any of the bad stuff. He's good, kind, loving, gentle, peaceful, patient and a lot more so, it's because I let this "job" become my distraction from my real job. And that's causing some major problems. I'm going back to bed. I pray when I close my eyes my heart will think of God and how good is truly is and how he loves me. Jesus, will watch over me while I sleep. And he will watch over you too, if you ask. Good night, morning and day. I wanted to take the time to tell you something I've been noticing around me. Life is happening fast. Life doesn't care who you are or what kind of job you have. Life moves so fast. It moves so fast that you forget the important things. It doesn't serve as a daily reminder. It makes things pile up. It makes list after list. Until we are so bombarded that we forget. I want to tell you God is everywhere. He can be at your mom's while being with you in a boat in the middle of the vast ocean. He's with us. He sent his son to die for us. He put our sins on him. He put our dirtiest, nastiest, filthiest sin. Jesus became a murder, rapist, molester, liar, cheater, abuser and many more. He took YOUR place! He have HIS one and ONLY son to cover your butt. He didn't have to but I'm so glad he did. He became human. He loves us oh so very much. We will not ever get this kind of love. You see, we forget all of this because the devil is tricky and he puts things in our path to sidetrack us from God's will plan and purpose. If he can get us away from God he has succeeded. He will make sure that you forget that there is a God who loves you. He wants you to get frustrated at God because "he's not there" that's a lie! God is everywhere!! He may seem distant at times only because our sins have drove us away. But, I promise you that he truly does care and he loves you no matter what has happened. Life has a way of getting us all twisted in our head. It isn't over. Yes, death happens yes pain will happen. Yes, you're going to go through the ringer. But, I'm here to tell you this God will be that hand you can hold. Now, when I'm writing this I feel like it may not do anything for you but, I pray it touches you. I want the scales to fall off. But, I don't expect it. I've been wondering around life aimlessly for awhile and I often have questions that go unanswered. But, it's okay we don't need to know what's going on every second of the day. This blog threw salt on your wound. It was that bright light to wake you up. So, right now I bind up everything that is coming to attack you and your family. I want you to pray for protection for your children. Satan hates, HATES the seed. He will do whatever he can to ruin it for you. But, I will tell you this you have that power over him if Jesus is your Lord and Savior. You tell him to take his hands off your children. He has no right to touch them! You get in his face and you warn him of a big God on your side and see how quickly he backs off. He may push you. He may stress you. He will test you in every way possible. But, he will have no choice to back off. Satan the blood of Jesus is against you! You stand your ground over your family. No weapon formed against you shall prosper! It can't work. It won't work. So, now that you have been reminded again you set the boundaries for him. You give him an inch he'll go for a mile. Keep your door closed. Keep him out! He has no business playing with your children. They are YOUR blessing. Treat them with love and care. Now, I think I'm going to close with this you have no idea the battle that is going on right now. Spiritual warfare is real. Yes, there are demons but for every demon there are 2 fierce angels fighting on your behalf. So, do not stress for The Lord will fight for you. Have a great day! Be blessed!! I just wanted to tell you something that I think is very important. You may not think about it but it was brought to my attention when I was sitting outside tanning. I heard him say" you can work and work but, your job is what I gave you to do. It's your calling. You haven't worked this hard in awhile and you've become tired and exhausted. But, I'm here to tell you. You can work all you want but, if you do not make time for me. You will continue to feel worn out and exhausted. I will give you rest. I will give you peace. No one else can give you peace like me. No one else can give you rest like me. Because you put your trust in me. I will give you rest. Your soul will not be tired. Your body will not be worn down. Your heart will grown faint. Because you have allowed me to take over for you. I will see you through and I will watch over you while you sleep. I will protect you and your seed. But, if you neglect me and you ignore me I will make sure you get weak and tired. I will make sure you can't sleep or eat. I will make sure your day is long and your nights restless. I want you to understand that I love you. I want you to understand that I have your best interest at heart. It may not seem like it at times but, I will protect what is mine. I will guard you. And I will guide you. For you child are mine and I am yours so you don't need to worry. I am a big God. I can handle it. I promise." Yes, it's harsh but it's to the point. I want to know that he will always be there despite my stupidness. I want to know that he will be there in my sin to help me through it. I want you to know this that God has a specific plan for your life. God loves you no matter what because he doesn't treat as our sins deserve. He gives us grace and mercy. Life has a way of getting away from God. Life will put us through the ringer. But, with God all things are possible. He makes the impossible possible!! So, don't worry over the little things because they will not get you down. Let go and let God deal with it. You are blessed. You are highly favored. God loves you. Jesus loves you. The Holy Spirit loves you. I hope you enjoyed this blog. Have a great day. I push through the crowds that seem to follow you around. I do my best to make it to you but, I'm pushed back and denied. I won't stop until I reach you. I won't stop until I get in front of you. I won't stop pressing into these crowds. I don't want be held back. I get close but, I missed you. You kept walking as I struggle to get the courage to keep going. But, I heard your voice in the wind telling me to come as I am. I feel tired. I'm weak. I came close to giving up but, it was in that moment I felt someone bump into me. I apologize yet, when I looked up through my hair matted wet with tears sweat. I felt your hand pick me up. I loved how you pushed your way to me. You saw me in my struggles yet, you made your way to me. The crowds separate and allow you to get me next to you. They gasp and aw as they watch us. You sought me out. You brought me to you. Me in all my mess you cleaned me up as much as I detest you washing my feet. You didn't mind it. You cleaned up my cuts. You cleaned up my wounds. You talked ever so sweetly as you continued to clean me up. When you were done I was clean I was different. You took time to hear my thoughts. You took time to hear my worries. Though you didn't seem to be unmoved by my antics you smiled and hugged me. After searching for you and having failed attempts you came to me. You made your way to me. And for that I can't thank you enough for taking the time to see me through the crowds of people. I thought I was lost. I thought you didn't see me or hear me. But, you did you heard every word I uttered. Your ear didn't turn deaf to my plea to find you. We are still struggling to make sense of it all. We will never understand this love you have for us. We will never understand you. You searched for me and found me. You pushed through to get to me. You pulled at my heart. You heard my cries. And you came to me. |
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