I had to reevaluate myself. You know when you want something to happen but you know you have wait for it? Well, I hate waiting. I think 99% of this human population feels this way. I wanted to say that after talking to someone and knowing that I think I am being a bit dramatic.
Have you ever felt like God is ignoring you? Have you ever felt like nothing is going your way? Well, I am right there with you. I know that all things work out for the good of those who love him. He will turn it around for you. The only thing is you have to wait for him to give it to you. He's not going to hand it to you on a silver platter. Would be nice wouldn't? Well, it's not going happen. God wants you to work for it. He wants to know that he can trust you to manage the small things.
I hate knowing that I can go out and get a job but, the problem lies with me something inside of me tells me" don't settle you deserve better." I shrug it off and roll my eyes. I do it anyway because money is nice to have. I know what it is like to not have any and I am not a people person. I hate working people.
I know I make zero sense when I say that but, it's true. People are fickle. People are never on time. People are so strange. I like people but, I can't work with people. I don't work well with others. I like being in charge. I will run you over if i get the chance. I am person who likes to see others do their job. I have no idea why, but I have it in my head that I am a boss. I love being in charge. I feel like I can do a better job than most.
I have no idea why i feel like that towards people. I am not better than you. I don't claim that at all. I just it's the way I carry myself. I don't think many understand my weird ways. I am someone who sees your potential and wants to pull that out of you. I want you to be the best person you can be.
Now that's out of the way I want you to know that I am seriously struggling with where I am suppose to be and what I am suppose to be doing with my life. I am not sure if God wants me to keep applying for jobs or he wants me to sit and wait. I am sure without a doubt that he has called me to be better than what I was yesterday. I know the past can come back to haunt us if we allow it.
I haven't made up my mind on what I want to do exactly and because of that do I keep writing books? Or do I keep looking for another job? I know God will give me answers I just need to seek his face. I don't want much. I want his love and affection. He's the only one that needs all of my attention.
I don't know if I should mention the fact that I have a degree or just keep my mouth shut. I don't know if I should stop freaking out about not having a "job" and be happy with the fact that He has given me more than enough to keep me satisfied. He provides and i'm over here gripping that he's not giving me enough.
I know he's standing there looking at me with the look I know he gives me at times when I'm to stupid to read the signs. He has his arms folded and that look that burns into my soul has my attention. He feels neglected. He feels like I am paying too much attention to the must have's than the things i do have and because of that i feel frustrated. I feel like nothing is working.
I know I'm talking to myself and possibly someone else. He's giving me that look because he knows that I have to stop and let him take care of things that need to be taken care of. He wants me to fully trust him. He wants me to fall into his arms. He will always be there to catch me. I know that he's giving me that look because I've seen it many times before and I'm sure you have too.
He has given me more than enough. He has given me all that I could ever want and yet i'm complaining that i am not happy with it. He has given me enough and yet I don't think it's enough. I have to get over that mess. I stopped talking to him because what's the point if hes not going to answer me? But, then I stop myself and hear him say" I have heard you. I have listened to every word you have said out of your mouth. I have heard every single complaint but, not one thank you. I have yet to hear you thank me for giving you more than enough. I can take it all away. I can take it back. But, I will not because I love you more than enough. I love you far more than you will ever understand. I will keep giving you more than enough because to me, you are more than enough. I will always provide for you. I will never not give you something because you feel like you don't deserve it. I will always give you what you need. I do things in my own timing. I do not need your permission to allow things to happen to you. I do not need your permission to allow money to come to you. I do not need your permission to accomplish my will. I suggest you start trusting in my abilities. I suggest you start listening more often when I say "STOP" You must stop. You don't have to but,it would be in your best interest to do so. When I tell you to "WAIT" It's not because I like to see you suffer. It is because I want you know that I will provide something better for you. And when I say" NO" I mean it. I mean it with every fiber of my being. I want you to be protected. I can not protect you when you are away from me. I can not protect you when you are in sin. I can not stand by and let you harm yourself in that way. I wish you would just trust me enough to know that I would never, EVER leave you. I would never, EVER forget about you. I would never,EVER turn my back on you. I wish you get that what I do, I do it for you. I want you to understand that there is nothing more you can do to make me love you any more or less than I already do. You child are mine. I will do whatever it takes to protect you. I hope you understand all that I tell you. I truly do have your best interest at heart."
I know that this may or may not relate to you. But, if you are struggling to find a way to make money for you and your household just know that God will provide for you. I have learned a lot of hard lessons in my life. I want you to know that this love he gives is real. That this thing I have for him cannot be replaced by man. I love that he always comes through even when I flake out on him.
I know that this blog is a lot to take in and that's just me. I am a lot to take in at times. But, at least I can say that if I can make it through hard times. Then you my friend can make it. Nothing in life is to hard for our God. I hope you have a good afternoon and be blessed friends :)
Thank you for reading,
Nicole :)
Have you ever felt like God is ignoring you? Have you ever felt like nothing is going your way? Well, I am right there with you. I know that all things work out for the good of those who love him. He will turn it around for you. The only thing is you have to wait for him to give it to you. He's not going to hand it to you on a silver platter. Would be nice wouldn't? Well, it's not going happen. God wants you to work for it. He wants to know that he can trust you to manage the small things.
I hate knowing that I can go out and get a job but, the problem lies with me something inside of me tells me" don't settle you deserve better." I shrug it off and roll my eyes. I do it anyway because money is nice to have. I know what it is like to not have any and I am not a people person. I hate working people.
I know I make zero sense when I say that but, it's true. People are fickle. People are never on time. People are so strange. I like people but, I can't work with people. I don't work well with others. I like being in charge. I will run you over if i get the chance. I am person who likes to see others do their job. I have no idea why, but I have it in my head that I am a boss. I love being in charge. I feel like I can do a better job than most.
I have no idea why i feel like that towards people. I am not better than you. I don't claim that at all. I just it's the way I carry myself. I don't think many understand my weird ways. I am someone who sees your potential and wants to pull that out of you. I want you to be the best person you can be.
Now that's out of the way I want you to know that I am seriously struggling with where I am suppose to be and what I am suppose to be doing with my life. I am not sure if God wants me to keep applying for jobs or he wants me to sit and wait. I am sure without a doubt that he has called me to be better than what I was yesterday. I know the past can come back to haunt us if we allow it.
I haven't made up my mind on what I want to do exactly and because of that do I keep writing books? Or do I keep looking for another job? I know God will give me answers I just need to seek his face. I don't want much. I want his love and affection. He's the only one that needs all of my attention.
I don't know if I should mention the fact that I have a degree or just keep my mouth shut. I don't know if I should stop freaking out about not having a "job" and be happy with the fact that He has given me more than enough to keep me satisfied. He provides and i'm over here gripping that he's not giving me enough.
I know he's standing there looking at me with the look I know he gives me at times when I'm to stupid to read the signs. He has his arms folded and that look that burns into my soul has my attention. He feels neglected. He feels like I am paying too much attention to the must have's than the things i do have and because of that i feel frustrated. I feel like nothing is working.
I know I'm talking to myself and possibly someone else. He's giving me that look because he knows that I have to stop and let him take care of things that need to be taken care of. He wants me to fully trust him. He wants me to fall into his arms. He will always be there to catch me. I know that he's giving me that look because I've seen it many times before and I'm sure you have too.
He has given me more than enough. He has given me all that I could ever want and yet i'm complaining that i am not happy with it. He has given me enough and yet I don't think it's enough. I have to get over that mess. I stopped talking to him because what's the point if hes not going to answer me? But, then I stop myself and hear him say" I have heard you. I have listened to every word you have said out of your mouth. I have heard every single complaint but, not one thank you. I have yet to hear you thank me for giving you more than enough. I can take it all away. I can take it back. But, I will not because I love you more than enough. I love you far more than you will ever understand. I will keep giving you more than enough because to me, you are more than enough. I will always provide for you. I will never not give you something because you feel like you don't deserve it. I will always give you what you need. I do things in my own timing. I do not need your permission to allow things to happen to you. I do not need your permission to allow money to come to you. I do not need your permission to accomplish my will. I suggest you start trusting in my abilities. I suggest you start listening more often when I say "STOP" You must stop. You don't have to but,it would be in your best interest to do so. When I tell you to "WAIT" It's not because I like to see you suffer. It is because I want you know that I will provide something better for you. And when I say" NO" I mean it. I mean it with every fiber of my being. I want you to be protected. I can not protect you when you are away from me. I can not protect you when you are in sin. I can not stand by and let you harm yourself in that way. I wish you would just trust me enough to know that I would never, EVER leave you. I would never, EVER forget about you. I would never,EVER turn my back on you. I wish you get that what I do, I do it for you. I want you to understand that there is nothing more you can do to make me love you any more or less than I already do. You child are mine. I will do whatever it takes to protect you. I hope you understand all that I tell you. I truly do have your best interest at heart."
I know that this may or may not relate to you. But, if you are struggling to find a way to make money for you and your household just know that God will provide for you. I have learned a lot of hard lessons in my life. I want you to know that this love he gives is real. That this thing I have for him cannot be replaced by man. I love that he always comes through even when I flake out on him.
I know that this blog is a lot to take in and that's just me. I am a lot to take in at times. But, at least I can say that if I can make it through hard times. Then you my friend can make it. Nothing in life is to hard for our God. I hope you have a good afternoon and be blessed friends :)
Thank you for reading,
Nicole :)