I'm up and I'm not sure why because well honestly I should be asleep but I can't go back to sleep for some reason. Am I upset that no one listens to me? I think so because other people say it and I'm over thinking to myself " I just said that!!" People don't ever listen to a word I say and honestly I'm not sure why but you know that's okay. It's like I don't know I'm not even going to say it. I guess I'm up because I woke up hot and sweaty. I had this weird nightmare and it shook me up and now I'm still up wondering why I let it happen in the first place. I'm tired. I'm tired of talking and no one listening and when something happens they get all huffy and puffy. Well, you know if you'd listen every once in awhile you'd know that I've been trying to help you out. I don't get it. I know I'm stupid and stubborn at times. I'm just over here planning my day and writing about whatever comes to mind. I'm still in the waiting. I got an email yesterday evening about my manuscript not being accepted and that's fine. It was a Christian book. I honestly didn't expect a secular publisher to pick it up, but that's fine. God probably has other plans for me. I will accept the hard pill and swallow it and move on from it. What hardly anyone else sees is my writing and emailing numerous people about my books or about how I can write for them. What you don't see is my extremely hard work and pure dedication. You don't see my tears. You don't see my pain or my frustration. You don't see any of that and you probably never will because I will not let it stop me. I'm going to keep going. I know what God has in store for me. I'm going after it. I'm not going to wait for it to come to me. I want to be writing songs. I want to be writing plays. I want to be writing and publishing more books. I want to win a tony award. I want to win a Grammy. You wouldn't ever know that had I not told you. I love music. I mean I truly love everything about music. I want to write Broadway plays. I want to write movies. I want to write tv shows. I want to be apart of something better than what I have going on right now. I know my dreams will come true one day and when it does I wouldn't be shocked or surprised to see negative people all around me. God has good plans for my life. I just have to trust and obey. What you don't see is the hurt I feel from being pushed aside by people. What you don't see is the fake smile I give to people. What you don't see is the perseverance and the daily struggles of should I write today or just leave it alone? Hardly anyone ever encourages me. Hardly anyone ever calls me out of the blue or sends me a friendly hello. I find my strength in solitude. I know that since no one can truly help me out right that I have to sit and wait. Most people don't tell you their struggles. Most people don't tell you how difficult it is to find joy when all you feel is sorrow. Most people don't tell you about their failures because all you see is success. Most people don't share their hurt from rejection. You only see their smile and assume they are okay. I know that one day soon that God will release me. He will let me run until I soar and man will i soar! When that day comes no one will bring me down for your words will have no hold on me. I was promised freedom and freedom is what I will have and nothing less! I will chase after God's dreams for my life. I don't care what Satan says about my life because let's face it he has no say so whatsoever. I know that my time is coming. I know that goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life. I'm ready for the change. I'm ready to move, but only when God says it's clear. I know that all of this will be well worth it in the end and I do not count this as a loss for instead I count it all joy. It is well with my soul. I will keep going and I will keep praying for one day I will soon see my victory.